Fart on Demand
I know it’s sick to talk about farts ever, let alone during my lunch. But, don’t you ever wish you had an offensive power to use against people?
In the elevator- some dude comes in and starts talking away on his cell phone for the remaining 41 flights down. If there’s 2 or more people in the car, I’d like to just lay one at any given moment. What will this accomplish? Let’s think about the science here: if the dude smells it, he surely doesn’t want to imply he dealt it. So he tells the person on the phone he’ll call back later and then remain silent and try to show no trace of guilt.
How about when a teenager is whining in the car about not wanting to go to see grandma? Well my little ragamuffin, take this. Ooo bad huh? Hmm, yea, you got all the problems in the world don’t you? This just complicates your life further aye?
And the wonderful pointless meetings at work. We ALL have them. Bosses call them and barely pay attention to what they themselves say. So how about a round of farts? I mean, this is the perfect opportunity. The stench so overwhelming- how can you NOT cancel? Then when he decides to call the meeting again later at 6PM when you’re out the door- anyone ordered my lunch converted into gaseous form?
FOD- Fart On Demand. That’s the power I want.
May 14, 2008 at 6:24 pm
My doctor and nurse both asked me to FOD today — how funny that you wrote about it because I kept thinking “How do they think I can do that?!”